Service and Saying 'No'
February 9, 2020

Service and Saying 'No'

How to be of service to others and knowing when to say ‘no’


Being in a profession that truly is, being in service to others, I have struggled with the boundary of knowing when I can take on more and then knowing when I should say ‘no’. 


I am a people pleaser. I want to help others when they ask for it. I find myself saying no in my head, and then I open my mouth and out comes, “Yes! I’d love to help.”

This can cause a lot of chaos in my life, especially when I already have so much on my plate. 


Often, this stems from our considerations. We are considering what the other person is thinking and feeling, rather than your own considerations of yourself. Innately, we are programmed to be in service to others, immersed in community, as part of a larger whole. We are built to give others our gifts, talents, words, and shoulders to cry on. Within this, we often forget that we are humans too, and we need all of that in return. 


Another way to look at this is you might simply have a fear of rejection. You want to make it to the top. You want to be involved in anything you are passionate about, because forbid it if you miss an opportunity. You continue to say yes, instead of taking a moment to ask yourself, “Is this serving my purpose?” Though, not everything must serve you materially, it does need to progress you forward regarding your happiness and well being. The more service you give, without being reciprocated or knowing your limits, the more you are regressing in the progress you have made in setting boundaries for yourself.


In some words from Dr. Brene Brown, from her book, Rising Strong, “Compassionate people ask for what they need. They say no when they need to, and when they say yes, they mean it. They are compassionate because their boundaries keep them out of resentment.” 


When you are not in alignment with your wants and needs, you are going to continuously say yes to things, when you should have said no, and in return, you might create some resentment.


Here are some tips on what to do in situations where you are in a position to make a choice:

Pause

Be vulnerable

  • Say what you want. Say what you are feeling. Speak your mind. You are doing yourself a disservice if you are not being honest about how you feel about saying yes, versus saying no. 

Practice daily acts of giving 

  • You have to fulfill your innate drive to give to others. I practice this by giving compliments, wellness advice, or bringing someone a coffee. The more I am service to others on my own volition, the easier it is for me to hold my ground when I am confronted with a choice to make. 

Create a list of things that are important to you and your success 

  • When you can see what you are striving for on paper, making those ‘yes’ and ‘no’ choices feels a lot easier. Why would you compromise your own journey to focus on something that might not be in alignment with you?


Use this next week to practice setting new boundaries in your life, all while creating new ways to be of service to others.


Stay Weird, Speak Truth, Love Fully,

Kylie at The Legendary Chiropractor